Joke #544

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Joke #543

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. It is more effective!

Joke #542

A bus is a vehicle which drives slowly while waiting for it, but drives fast if you are running late!

Joke #541

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship & there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you & think of you often.

Joke #540

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Joke #539

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

Joke #538

Teacher: Wasn't your father supposed to help you with your school work? Student: He used to but now I can get it all wrong by my self!

Joke #537

Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Joke #536

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Joke #535

A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood

Joke #534

JOB POSTING - Music teacher. Good pay, great kids, and perks (piano, with stool, sheet music, and ear plugs).

Joke #533

Q: How can a school cook also be the history teacher. A: Easy, they know more than anyone else about ancient grease!

Joke #532

Teacher: Do you think H.G. Wells is good? Student: I have no idea, we get all of our water from the tap not a well.

Joke #531

Sam: The teachers have been working flat out in the teachers lounge marking exam papers! Joe: Really? I thought they were napping as usual?

Joke #530

You had better behave in Mr. Smith's music class or you'll find yourself in treble(trouble)!

Joke #529

Q: Where do alien teachers learn how to be teachers? A: Moony-versity!

Joke #528

Teacher: How do you work out the age of a tree monkey? Student: you cut it in half and count the rings!

Joke #527

Did you hear about the janitor who married the history teacher? He was brushing up some old dates and he swept her off her feet

Joke #526

Teacher: If we do the 10 times table, 10 times, how many times will we have done it? Student: Is this a trick question?

Joke #525

Joey: Quick turn on the news, my class is going to be on. Mom: Why, are you guys getting an award? Joey: Yeah, the worse class in the city!

Joke #524

Bob: Excuse me, waiter, This soup has hairs in it! Waiter: That's weird it is supposed to be rabbit soup not hare soup?

Joke #523

Teacher: Why didn't you show up today at 8:45? Student: Because the sign out front said "Stop Children Crossing"

Joke #522

Q: What happens to children at magic school who misbehave? A: The are ex-spelled!