Joke #485

For April Fools: frozen milk, vinegar for apple juice, mayonnaise for yogurt, salt in the sugar bowl. it's a sure way to start a crazy day.

Joke #484

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Joke #483

To be sure you hit the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Joke #482

For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.

Joke #481

Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Joke #480

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Joke #479

Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.

Joke #478

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Joke #477

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Joke #476

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Joke #475

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Joke #474

When in doubt, mumble.

Joke #473

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Joke #472

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Joke #471

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Joke #470

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Joke #469

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Joke #468

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Joke #467

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

Joke #466

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Joke #465

Experience is something you don't get until right after you need it.

Joke #464

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Joke #463

All generalizations are false, including this one.