Joke #406

An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves. --Bill Vaughan

Joke #405

*Ring* Son: Hello. Dad: Mom & I are divorcing. Son: WAIT! I'm coming home! *Click* Dad: Honey, he is coming for Xmas & paying his own way!

Joke #404

Name five things that contain milk? Yogurt, cheese, and 3 cows!

Joke #403

Why was the teacher chased by a hen? It was after his wages he said he got paid chicken feed!

Joke #402

Violin for sale - going cheap "No Strings Attached!"

Joke #401

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has No L (Noel).

Joke #400

Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from 140Jokes here is a cheery video http://youtu.be/7E-47VmFopE Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes.

Joke #399

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month? The letter "D" !

Joke #398

Why were you late this morning Sam? I squeezed the toothpaste too hard and it took me half an hour to get it all back into the tube again!

Joke #397

I think our school must be haunted - because the teacher keeps going on about the school spirit!

Joke #396

Teacher: Why are you scratching yourself boy? Joe: Because no-one else knows where I itch?

Joke #395

Where do vampire kids go on for field trips? LAKE EERIE!

Joke #394

Joe: Your parents are multi-millionaires, why do you smell awful? Sam: That because we are filthy rich!

Joke #393

Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark? A: A bird that will talk you ear off!

Joke #392

Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? A: A firequaker!

Joke #391

Q: What is the difference between a train and a teacher? A: A train says "choo-choo", but a teacher says spit out that gum!

Joke #390

Teacher: What is the plural of baby? Joe: TWINS!!!!

Joke #389

Joe: My math teacher is a peach! Sam: You mean she is pretty? Joe: No, she has a heart of stone!

Joke #388

Teacher: I called my first year class my little treasures. Because I have no idea where they were dug up!

Joke #387

Sam: The math teacher is feeling run down today! Joe: WOW! Did anyone get the number of the car that did it?

Joke #386

Q: Why do history teachers like fruite cake? A:Because it is full of DATES!!

Joke #385

Teacher: Joe, give me a sentence with word aroma in it. Joe: My uncle fred is always traveling, he's aroma!

Joke #384

Teacher: So, Sam, you say you know all the tables lets here it. Sam: Dining room table, kitchen room table, living room table.

Joke #383

Q: Why do doctors enjoy their schooldays? A: Because they are good at examinations!

Joke #382

Teacher: What did samson do in the bible? Student: He was a comedian, in the bible it says he brought the house down

Joke #381

Why are you taking that sponge into class? I always find History such an absorbing subject!

Joke #380

Parent: Why have you given my boy a bad grade - He's as intelligent as the next boy Teacher: Well the next boy is a failing student

Joke #379

What do you do if someone faints in a math exam? Try to bring them 2!

Joke #378

Sam: I thought we were going to play school today. John: I did, I decided to play absent

Joke #377

Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born. Teacher: What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhi was four years old