Joke #158

Bob: My wife does all the work at home. Sam: Oh yeah, Mine thinks i'm a god! Bob: Why? Sam: Burnt offering, every night.

Joke #157

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor

Joke #156

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Joke #155

Funny book title: "Don't Leave Without Me" by Isa Coming

Joke #154

Useful Phrases for High Stress Days, I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Joke #153

I didn't come to school yesterday because I was feeling like I was going to be sick, but thankfully I wasn't!

Joke #152

bad excuses for being late. It rained on my side of town so I couldn't see and dog ate my car keys i had to wait until...

Joke #151

The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

Joke #150

if you put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

Joke #149

Chocolate Rule, If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Joke #148

COP: Your license says you need glasses. Driver: I have contacts. COP: I don't care who you know, you still get a fine.

Joke #146

TEACHER: This homework looks like your mothers writing.
PUPIL: Of course, I used her pen!

Joke #147

The first day of school is always special to me. It's the only day of the year when I'm not behind in my homework.

Joke #146

WATSON: What school did you go to, Holmes?
SHERLOCK: Elementary, my dear Watson!

Joke #145

Why was "the Energizer Bunny" arrested
He was charged with battery

Joke #144

Utah Crazy Law, It is against the law to fish from horseback

Joke #143

Q:What do two oceans do when they meet?
A:Nothing! Just wave

Joke #142

TEACHER: Name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 
PUPIL: Me!